


Hidden Anxiety: Nishinoya

by jjjeeessssss



Series: Hidden Anxiety [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxious Ennoshita Chikara, Ennoshita Chikara is a Good Friend, Mentioned Yamaguchi Tadashi, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:41:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27123979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjjeeessssss/pseuds/jjjeeessssss
Summary: Yamaguchi had a panic attack and the team wants to know if he’s okay. Takeda and Ukai talk to the team, but Nishinoya can’t stop thinking about what Ennoshita said.
Series: Hidden Anxiety [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979788
Kudos: 48





	Hidden Anxiety: Nishinoya

**Author's Note:**

> **THERE IS A LOT OF TALK ABOUT ANXIETY ATTACKS AND ANXIETY IN GENERAL!!!

This morning was off. Practice was usually filled with Hinata and Kageyama yelling at each other, Tanaka and Nishinoya bothering Kiyoko or making too much noise, Ennoshita trying to calm them down, Kinoshita and Narita laughing with Sugawara and Daichi to the side, Asahi asking if they should intervene and help Ennoshita, and Yamaguchi and Tsukishima off to the side, Tsukishima saying some sort of comment about Kageyama or Nishinoya and Tanaka, or even a combination of the three.

This morning, though, Yamaguchi was nowhere to be seen. Hinata and Kageyama were fighting, as usual, while Tsukishima was beginning to warm up on his own. Sugawara, Daichi and Asahi were off to the side, talking about something in hushed voices. They seemed worried about something, and when Tanaka and Nishinoya noticed this, they tried to think of what could have happened, but didn’t come to any conclusions.

Even Kageyama asked Hinata if everybody was okay. Tsukishima was quieter than usual, Ennoshita seemed nervous about something, Narita and Kinoshita were asking Ennoshita if he was okay, and even Hinata had gone quiet after Kageyama asked his question. Nishinoya and Tanaka looked at each other and decided to ask Ennoshita or Daichi what was going on, but then Ukai and Takeda came into the room. The entire gym fell deathly silent, and they all turned to the adults. Tanaka and Nishinoya felt slightly relieved, thinking that Ukai and Takeda could explain what was going on, and maybe ease some of the tension.

The adults gathered the team together. There were mixed looks of fear, anxiety and just confusion in general. Kiyoko even looked a little skittish. Takeda and Ukai shared a look then the former began speaking. “I don’t know the full story of what happened yesterday, and many of you don’t either.” Nishinoya and Tanaka glanced at each other, but swallowed their questions. “I  _ am _ aware, however, that Yamaguchi had a bit of a…” Takeda searched for a word to use that wasn’t harsh, but not sugarcoating. It was strange because he always knew what to say. “He panicked…at the end of practice.”

Nishinoya and Tanaka looked back at each other with alarmed expressions, then around at the others. How could they not have known? Is that why Yamaguchi wasn’t there? It must have happened after they left. The  _ one _ time they leave before everybody, something like this happens? They felt so helpless, like they should have been there to help.

The rest of the team, minus Kageyama, seemed to either wince at the news (most of them had been there so they knew the gist of what happened), or they looked sympathetic. Takeda continued. “I have not gotten in touch with either of his parents yet and even if I did, I wouldn’t necessarily be able to discuss another student with you of all.” Takeda drew in a long breath. “That being said…if there is anything that anybody knows…please feel free to tell us. You don’t have to, but it could possibly clear the air a bit.” Nishinoya’s eyes went to Tsukishima, but somebody—maybe Ennoshita—swatted his arm so he looked away again.

Most of the team seemed to be trying to avoid looking at Tsukishima. They knew how close he was with Yamaguchi, they were rarely ever apart. The fact that Yamaguchi wasn’t in school was probably eating Tsukishima alive. Of course there were days where Yamaguchi didn’t come into school, but nobody ever thought anything of it. Everybody missed a day or two. But Nishinoya was just now realizing how Tsukishima acted when Yamaguchi wasn’t around. He was more irritable, quieter, and seemed to just want to leave no matter what he was doing or where he was. Maybe something was going on the team didn’t know about. Was Yamaguchi sick?

Kageyama talking to Tsukishima snapped Nishinoya out of his thoughts. “You have to know what happened, right?”

The team and the adults looked between the two after Tsukishima rolled his eyes. Sugawara spoke calmly. “Well, Ennoshita told me he was having a panic attack. That’s why I went to the gym. To get help.” Nishinoya felt his eyebrows knit together. Panic attack? Was he serious? He couldn’t be.

Ennoshita looked at the ground and there was silence. Nishinoya looked around. Maybe someone would say something else about this. Ukai did, luckily breaking the silence before it lasted for too long. “How did you know it was a panic attack?”

Ennoshita shrugged. “I dunno, I just did.”

Tanaka suddenly started playing with the fabric of his shirt and bounced on the balls of his feet slightly. He was looking at his fingers intently. Nishinoya was hit with more confusion. Tanaka’s confidence left him so quickly at the mention of Ennoshita and panic attacks. But why? “You okay, man?”

Tanaka didn’t answer, he looked at Ennoshita instead. He spoke slowly, seeming to pay close attention to his words. “Well…I used to have pretty frequent anxiety attacks so I guess I just know the signs.” He looked up, finally meeting Tanaka’s look. “And, um, last year…I helped Nishinoya through one…”, he looked away again, “after his fight with Azumane.”

Nishinoya stood there. He had a panic attack? When? Why? How? He could barely remember. Ennoshita said “after his fight with Azumane,” so that must have meant he panicked right after breaking the vase and hitting the vice principal, or shortly after that. He racked his brain for any sort of memory from either of those times and then suddenly realized what day Ennoshita was talking about.

Once he remembered the day, everything that happened was so clear in his head.

It was absolutely terrifying.

Nishinoya had been home because his suspension had just started, and Ennoshita and Tanaka decided to visit him after school. During one of their conversations, volleyball was mentioned, and then Asahi’s name came up. The panic showed up fast. Nishinoya’s head started spinning and he was having trouble breathing. He remembered Tanaka asking if he was okay and then Ennoshita said his name in an attempt to grab his attention. He kept repeating it in the same tone, over and over. “Nishinoya?”, he would say in a calm yet firm voice.

They had been sitting on the ground in a small circle in Nishinoya’s room in front of his bed. And Nishinoya remembered feeling overwhelmed by the mere mention of Asahi. Suddenly, his vision was blurry and he was trying to take breaths, but he couldn’t grasp onto the air.

Tanaka looked at Ennoshita with fear in his eyes, something not many people had ever seen before. “Do you know what’s happening?”

Ennoshita nodded, putting a hand on Tanaka’s chest. “Back up, give him space.”

“What’s happening?”

“He’s having an anxiety attack.”

Tanaka tried to go towards Nishinoya, but Ennoshita kept him back. “He needs us!”

“He needs  _ space _ . If you crowd him, you could stress him out more.”

Nishinoya was relieved that he couldn’t see either of their faces clearly because it meant he wouldn’t have to see how scared they probably looked. He could hear the fear in Tanaka’s yells, but Ennoshita was somehow calm. If he was scared, he was doing a great job with hiding it. His voice was even and calm as Nishnoya reached out a hand for the blur that was Tanaka.

“Nishinoya,” Ennoshita said, taking his hand from Tanaka, “relax. You are okay. Just breathe.” He glanced at Tanaka and grabbed his arm, scooting themselves closer to Nishinoya slightly. “Hold his hand,” he told Tanaka quickly before directing his attention back to Nishinoya. “Breathe, you’re okay.”

Tanaka grabbed onto Nishinoya’s hand tightly. “Noya?”

Nishinoya wheezed, desperate for air. Ennoshita didn’t move. “You are okay. We’re right here, okay? Just breathe.”

Nishinoya tried. He tried  _ so _ hard, but it wasn’t working. He coughed and shook his head. “I can’t,” he gasped. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.” Ennoshita settled in front of him. “Look at me, Yuu, look at me.”

Nishinoya looked up slowly, barely managing to keep eye contact.

“Breathe with me. In for two, out for two.” He demonstrated a few times, which Nishinoya caught on with and he began trying to follow Ennoshita. He gripped Tanaka’s hand tighter.

“You’re doing good,” Tanaka said when Nishinoya was significantly calmer. They were both shaking, but Ennoshita was still calm, breathing with Nishinoya. After ten minutes, the three of them were all breathing at the same pace. While trying to calm Nishinoya, Ennoshita seemed to have relaxed Tanaka, as well. Nishinoya and Tanaka were still holding onto each other, but it was a relaxed grip now.

Ennoshita looked at Tanaka then nodded up to Nishinoya’s bed. Tanaka understood, took his hand from Nishinoya’s and went behind him. Nishinoya wasn’t following their signals, but he didn’t struggle when Tanaka’s hands slipped under his arms. He was pulled to his feet and then lifted onto his bed, propped up against the headboard.

Ennoshita stood beside him. “Do you need anything?”

Nishinoya looked at his knees. He wasn’t sure how to answer. He shrugged, unable to find his voice. It was a weird feeling. He always had  _ something _ to say in any situation, but this moment of panic completely stripped him of talking.

“Do you want to be alone?”

Nishinoya shook his head and Tanaka sat down next to him. “That was fucking terrifying,” he sighed.

Ennoshita eyed at him. “Really?”

“It’s the truth!” Nishinoya flinched at the volume and Tanaka quickly apologized, mentally noting to lower his voice.

Nishinoya didn’t remember much after that. He felt drained from what happened, and when Tanaka started asking Ennoshita questions about how he knew what to do, Nishinoya felt himself drifting off. He couldn’t pay attention to the words being traded and his cheek fell to Tanaka’s shoulder, his eyes shutting slowly.

Nishinoya avoided Asahi’s stare, but could still see it in his peripheral view. “I-I forgot about that,” he heard himself saying.

Ennoshita nodded. “Yeah, uh…sorry, I should have asked–“

“No, I don’t care.” He honestly didn’t. He forced himself to look at Asahi, who had fear and regret in his eyes. “Don’t stress about it.” It sounded dumb when he said it, especially when he knew that Asahi stressed about pretty much everything. “It was when we were fighting, y’know? We’re past it.”

Daichi went back to Ennoshita, to Nishinoya’s relief. “Do you still have…?”

Ennoshita nodded and started answering their captain, but Nishinoya didn’t listen. How could have he forgotten about what happened? He hadn’t thought about it in so long, but a panic attack isn’t just something you could forget. He didn’t want to think about it much, though, which was strange because at the same time he couldn’t stop kicking himself. How does somebody forget a panic attack? Especially one that  _ they _ had? He wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing that he forgot about it.

Was it something to worry about? Nishinoya was trying to tell himself that it wasn’t. After all, he  _ had _ forgotten about it…Wasn’t that enough to convince him and the others that it wasn’t as important as they might have thought it was?

It was fine, really. Besides, this talk was about Yamaguchi, not him.

Nishinoya watched those around him continue talking, and only started listening again when he realized that Tsukishima was updating them on Yamaguchi. No matter how much he tried to concentrate, though, Nishinoya found it very hard to pay attention.

**Author's Note:**

> wow look at that i hurt someone who isn’t yams 😬😬 and i wrote something under 5000 words for once :D  
> anyway thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!  
> Sorry if it seems a bit rushed or messy, I wrote it one day instead of paying attention in my classes :))  
> I actually wanted to post something else, but halfway through writing i was like this is kinda,,,dramatic so i finished it last night then wrote this today and like,,,I’m realizing how dramatic my stories are lol so I’ll probably post it at some point this week  
> And the title is super simple and straightforward but i had NO IDEA what to name this, I don’t even like the name hidden anxiety for this “series” to be honest lmao but idk what else to name it


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